Reserve texting for logistical information – “I’m running late,” or “Can I go to my friend’s house after school?” – rather than texting emotional conversations that deserve a face to face conversation. Couples “fight” over text and then wait for the emoji to appear to see if the argument is resolved or not. Moms “call” their children to the dinner table by sending them a text. It’s digital parenting and digital marriage. Communicate with Your Words Rather than with Your ThumbsĪs a therapist who works with couples and with families, I often hear people tell me that their loved one texts them more than talks with them-even when they are sitting at the same dinner table. Download our Family Contract to help you set goals easily. And communicate your goals for healthy digital use to others. Try resisting the urge to look at every notification that comes in right away. Find alternatives to using your smart device to pass the time. Start with boundaries that you all can live with. You’ve heard it said, “do as I say don’t do what I do.” It is virtually impossible to support your rules and boundaries with your children when you aren’t upholding those rules in your own life. We’ve all been on the other side of a conversation when we’ve been ignored in deference to another’s notification. It will record a message that you can get to when you devote undistracted time to do so. In this era of posting, tweeting, texting and “liking”, it is very difficult to stay undistracted and focused. Turn Off the Device or Silence Notifications And hopefully, most parents will work at silencing devices when spending time with their child. Some families might begin with silencing phones during meal times and study times. Perhaps all members charge their phones at night away from the bedroom. Start with a family discussion as how you can create these boundaries. We might even notice the lovely surroundings on a walk or on a drive without the temptation to read every text or post. We sleep better without the glow of messages appearing on a screen next to (or in) our bed. Families talk more over dinner without the distraction of devices. Families, together, would do well to create “digital free” space and time. Now the smart phone seems to have a place at the table and demands our attention just like a talkative great aunt who constantly interrupts. These were social boundaries that were supported by most households. When I was a child we were not allowed to get up from the table to answer the phone (phones had cords and were on the wall rather than in our pockets.) And we wouldn’t even think of calling someone during mealtime or after a reasonable bed time. Here are five parenting tips to help you dial back in. How can parents go from distracted and disconnected to attentive and connected. While parents are frustrated with their children for “constantly being on their devices,” parents might want to take a moment to assess their own obsession and the obsession that perhaps they have modeled for their children. Smart phones and devices become bedfellows, dinner companions, and even serve as conveyers of even the most sensitive of conversations. Many parents have gone from a distracted state to a state of digital dependence. Whether verbally or non-verbally, distracted parents communicate that the distraction is more important than their child and their needs.ĥ Disciplines to Help Dial Back and Reconnect The difficulty with social media and interactive technology is that it becomes all-encompassing and habit forming. Generations of kids have been raised by “distracted parents”-parents who bring work home, who interrupt the dinner hour to answer the phone, who keep their noses in a book or a newspaper ignoring their child’s recount of the day. Not only have we seen “those” parents, we have been those parents.ĭistracted parenting is not unique to the digital age. We’ve all seen “those” parents-the ones that stroll with their children, talking on their smart phone rather than with their little one-and the parents who answer a call or text in the middle of a conversation with their child-or the parents who play repeated games or read “important” news on their devices rather than opting for a good old-fashioned board game or reading together.
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